Look, I know I could’ve played the new Valkyria Chronicles game and had a grand old time winning wars and the like, but then, like a bolt of lightning, inspiration struck me. I suddenly recalled this one eroge from the distant, prehistoric era of 2011, forged in the fires of
Mount Doom Black Lilith; a game that also happens to feature tanks and cute girls in military outfits, not entirely unlike Valkyria Chronicles. Now, unlike Valkyria Chronicles, though, the girls in this one focus their efforts not on tank driving, military tactics and other such balderdash, but the noble art of taking dicks up the pooper. And that fact, my friends, makes this the superior product as far as I’m concerned.
Anyway, without further ado, allow me to present to you today’s review specimen, titled “Ryoshuu Ichiba: Wana ni Hamerareta Elf no Onna Shoukou” AKA “Captive Market” AKA “Elves und Panzer: The Pleasure of Being Cummed Inside”.
Okay, so I might have made that last one up.
JP title: 素晴らしき日々～不連続存在～
Wonderful Everyday, or: A Zero Gravity Dance of Happiness and Despair.
Well, I’m still trying to process everything I’ve just experienced. Subarashiki Hibi, or Wonderful Everyday, as it is known in English, is certainly not without its flaws, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since I finished it, so that should count for something, at least. It’s ambitious, unique, depressing and uplifting at the same time — and it’s probably one of the more memorable visual novels you’ll read, even if it won’t necessarily blow your mind.
JP title: ツンデレアイドルは僕だけのMペット ～いっぱい躾けてご主人様のLOVE精子で孕みたいの♪～
This had a decent premise, but unfortunately, not even my undying passion for ドM girls could make me enjoy it as much as I would have liked. Ironically enough, the Japanese title probably makes the game sound way more exciting than it actually is.
JP title: ふたなりエルフ快楽調教 「だめっ でるううぅっ これ以上出したくないいいぃぃ」
Jesus fuck. I just. Wow. I feel like I owe ClockUp a fucking Wookiee life debt for this game.
What an experience.
JP title: ［黒獣外伝］エルフ村の姦落 ～恥辱と快楽の宴～
NTR and busty elves.
Yes, I know you’ve literally just stepped through the door and we haven’t even introduced ourselves, but I’m a guy who likes to get to the point. So allow me to reiterate…
NTR and busty elves. That’s what’s on the menu today.
And if you’re reading this review, you’re likely interested in those two things. Well, you’re in luck, because Elf Mura no Kanraku has you covered, with equal portions of pointy ears and loose morals squeezed carefully into one wholesome cup of eggnog that may not even be eggnog at all…
JP title: 塵骸魔京
I think it’s safe to say that Jingai Makyou is one of Nitroplus’ lesser known, or at least less often talked about, visual novels. I mean, there’s the fact that it doesn’t have an English translation, but even putting that aside, it’s not really the first game you’ll think about when you hear the word Nitroplus. And probably not the second or third, either. Most people will mention their Muramasas and their Sayas and maybe even their Demonbanes, but this one rarely ever seems to get much recognition other than a quick “oh yeah, that VN is a thing that exists I guess, now let’s get back to discussing why Saya taking it up the ass is central to the plot”. Anyway, Jingai’s apparent lack of presence in the general VN consciousness was actually one of the main reasons that pushed me to finally read it. That, and the artwork. And the soundtrack. And Ignis. Yeah.
JP title: ちゅーそつ! 1st graduation ~ちゅーそつのTime After Time~
Chuusotsu is a game that ropes you in with cute girls and quirky humor, then pats you on the back, gives you a confident smile, and leaves you with a strong message about life and dreams.