DLsite – DMM
It is the year 2020. Mankind is in peril. Only two states of being remain: you’re either a vtuber, or secretly made of cake. In these uncertain times, we understandably need ways to relax. Ways to tune out the chaos that rages beyond the safety of our homes. Indeed, in times like this, we need… horny Japanese girls whispering sweet nothings into our ears. And so, I’ve traveled far and wide across the pornscape in order to bring you something different. Something we haven’t quite dipped our toes into on this here humble blog.
Today, with great pleasure, and in firm defiance of the cultural travesty known as No Nut November, I bring you a succulent gift from the heavens: ero-ASMR.
I realize it’s been a while since I’ve penned a review about an interactive morality crisis (also known as a hardcore fetish nukige), but worry not, I’ve been working tirelessly in the shadows, reading, planning, researching. And as a result, today, on this perfectly normal late winter day, I’m here to bring you yet another episode of this esteemed series, in which I mostly just talk about all the kinky shit I’ve been tickling the ol’ pickle to. So, what’s on the docket this time, you ask?
Well… let’s just say that if a certain gentleman by the name of Sigmund Freud was alive today, boy oh boy would he have things to say about this one. Bloke’s been dead since 1939, though, so instead you’ll just have to make do with yours truly. Anyway, to cut a long story short, this game is bold, sexy, outrageous on every possible level and in all the best, juiciest ways; it’s an eroge that completely and unapologetically revels in just how balls-to-the-wall horny it is – in other words, it’s bloody amazing.
Oujo & Onna Kishi, or That Time I Got Tired of Being a Princess so I Became a Living Semen Tank, is a carefully constructed, lovingly told tale of a girl… who just couldn’t keep her horny in check. A moving Bildungsroman for the ages, it speaks of societal pressure, the pitfalls of monarchies, and lays out in careful detail how… fucking amazing orc dicks feel when they’re smashing against your womb like a jackhammer. It’s a salacious story of self-orchestrated ruin in which a girl breaks free from the moral and ethical shackles of her time to partake in degeneracy so extreme, so depraved, so… thoroughly wonderful, that I cannot help but want to applaud her.
It’s also a pretty decent nukige if you just wanna beat your meat to a girl getting fisted in the nipple.
Yup, that’s me, slobbering away on a big ol’ man-popsicle while being penetrated in both holes. You might be wondering how I ended up in this situation.
Look, I know I could’ve played the new Valkyria Chronicles game and had a grand old time winning wars and the like, but then, like a bolt of lightning, inspiration struck me. I suddenly recalled this one eroge from the distant, prehistoric era of 2011, forged in the fires of Black Lilith; a game that also happens to feature tanks and cute girls in military outfits, not entirely unlike Valkyria Chronicles. Now, unlike Valkyria Chronicles, though, the girls in this one focus their efforts not on tank driving, military tactics and other such balderdash, but the noble art of taking dicks up the pooper. And that fact, my friends, makes this the superior product as far as I’m concerned.
Anyway, without further ado, allow me to present to you today’s review specimen, titled “Ryoshuu Ichiba: Wana ni Hamerareta Elf no Onna Shoukou” AKA “Captive Market” AKA “Elves und Panzer: The Pleasure of Being Cummed Inside”.
Okay, so I might have made that last one up.
JP title: ツンデレアイドルは僕だけのMペット ～いっぱい躾けてご主人様のLOVE精子で孕みたいの♪～
This had a decent premise, but unfortunately, not even my undying passion for ドM girls could make me enjoy it as much as I would have liked. Ironically enough, the Japanese title probably makes the game sound way more exciting than it actually is.
JP title: ふたなりエルフ快楽調教 「だめっ でるううぅっ これ以上出したくないいいぃぃ」
Jesus fuck. I just. Wow. I feel like I owe ClockUp a fucking Wookiee life debt for this game.
What an experience.
JP title: ［黒獣外伝］エルフ村の姦落 ～恥辱と快楽の宴～
NTR and busty elves.
Yes, I know you’ve literally just stepped through the door and we haven’t even introduced ourselves, but I’m a guy who likes to get to the point. So allow me to reiterate…
NTR and busty elves. That’s what’s on the menu today.
And if you’re reading this review, you’re likely interested in those two things. Well, you’re in luck, because Elf Mura no Kanraku has you covered, with equal portions of pointy ears and loose morals squeezed carefully into one wholesome cup of eggnog that may not even be eggnog at all…
JP title: 姦染 Clipping Chronicle
Hello. How are you? It’s me, your friend Gare, here to announce that spring has kinda-sorta arrived! And that means… well, a lot of things, actually. But it also means that love is once again in the air. And by love, I mean a highly contagious sex virus that turns you into a sex zombie.
JP title: 対魔忍ユキカゼ2
Ah, Yukikaze, dearest Yukikaze. Light of my life, fire of my loins.
Everyone’s favorite chocolate-skinned ninja princess and her trusty partner Rinko (no, not that one) are back for another steamy adventure, in which they infiltrate a high-class academy for would-be lords and ladies. But the big question is: will they manage to keep their virginities intact, their moral standards unaltered, their dignity untarnished and their various orifices penis-free? Let’s see… no, no, no and definitely no. 2017 began with Yukikaze, and thus, it feels only right to close out the year with the second chapter of her less-than-wholesome exploits.