Yup, that’s me, slobbering away on a big ol’ man-popsicle while being penetrated in both holes. You might be wondering how I ended up in this situation.
Look, I know I could’ve played the new Valkyria Chronicles game and had a grand old time winning wars and the like, but then, like a bolt of lightning, inspiration struck me. I suddenly recalled this one eroge from the distant, prehistoric era of 2011, forged in the fires of Black Lilith; a game that also happens to feature tanks and cute girls in military outfits, not entirely unlike Valkyria Chronicles. Now, unlike Valkyria Chronicles, though, the girls in this one focus their efforts not on tank driving, military tactics and other such balderdash, but the noble art of taking dicks up the pooper. And that fact, my friends, makes this the superior product as far as I’m concerned.
Anyway, without further ado, allow me to present to you today’s review specimen, titled “Ryoshuu Ichiba: Wana ni Hamerareta Elf no Onna Shoukou” AKA “Captive Market” AKA “Elves und Panzer: The Pleasure of Being Cummed Inside”.
Okay, so I might have made that last one up.
JP title: ツンデレアイドルは僕だけのMペット ～いっぱい躾けてご主人様のLOVE精子で孕みたいの♪～
This had a decent premise, but unfortunately, not even my undying passion for ドM girls could make me enjoy it as much as I would have liked. Ironically enough, the Japanese title probably makes the game sound way more exciting than it actually is.
JP title: ［黒獣外伝］エルフ村の姦落 ～恥辱と快楽の宴～
NTR and busty elves.
Yes, I know you’ve literally just stepped through the door and we haven’t even introduced ourselves, but I’m a guy who likes to get to the point. So allow me to reiterate…
NTR and busty elves. That’s what’s on the menu today.
And if you’re reading this review, you’re likely interested in those two things. Well, you’re in luck, because Elf Mura no Kanraku has you covered, with equal portions of pointy ears and loose morals squeezed carefully into one wholesome cup of eggnog that may not even be eggnog at all…
JP title: 姦染 Clipping Chronicle
Hello. How are you? It’s me, your friend Gare, here to announce that spring has kinda-sorta arrived! And that means… well, a lot of things, actually. But it also means that love is once again in the air. And by love, I mean a highly contagious sex virus that turns you into a sex zombie.
JP title: 対魔忍ユキカゼ2
Ah, Yukikaze, dearest Yukikaze. Light of my life, fire of my loins.
Everyone’s favorite chocolate-skinned ninja princess and her trusty partner Rinko (no, not that one) are back for another steamy adventure, in which they infiltrate a high-class academy for would-be lords and ladies. But the big question is: will they manage to keep their virginities intact, their moral standards unaltered, their dignity untarnished and their various orifices penis-free? Let’s see… no, no, no and definitely no. 2017 began with Yukikaze, and thus, it feels only right to close out the year with the second chapter of her less-than-wholesome exploits.