[Review] Futanari Elf Kairaku Choukyou

https://vndb.org/v17331
JP title: ふたなりエルフ快楽調教 「だめっ でるううぅっ これ以上出したくないいいぃぃ」

Jesus fuck. I just. Wow. I feel like I owe ClockUp a fucking Wookiee life debt for this game.

What an experience.

There comes a time in a man’s life, you see, when regular porn will simply not satisfy his needs any longer. We here at Gare du Blogs have long since reached that point. Because once you’ve seen, nay, witnessed the exuberant spectacle of a futa elf princess fervently thrusting her cock deep into her own mother’s Godzilla-nipples like a war horse in heat, there’s just no going back. You’re in this life for good. You don’t choose the futa elf existence. It chooses you.

We might first want to address the elephant in the room, and by that I mean the elephant-sized dongs present in the game. Yes, this is a futa nukige, in case the title didn’t immediately give it away. That might be a turnoff for you. And that’s fine. But think about it. You can close this review now and believe what you want to believe. But read on, and I’ll show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes, all Morpheus-like. Minus the cool leather coat. Also it’s technically not a rabbit hole but a… well. You know. It’s a hole, at any rate.

Okay, so let’s talk about the story. There is no story. FutaElf transcends the need for a story. There’s a Big Bad Witch who turns the Three Little Futaelves, including the supreme queen of the kingdom and her daughter, into the Three Little Futapigs. めでたしめでたし。That’s literally all there is to it. FutaElf is a game that knows not to waste your precious time, and guarantees that breaks between porn scenes are never longer than five minutes or less; hell, there are times when one ero scene wraps up and the game immediately jumps into another without even trying to pretend there’s a need for filler text.

Basically all you need to know is that the game takes place in a kingdom where futanari elves are shunned, aka The Country of Bad Taste (no doubt taking pointers from this lot) which is why all the girls initially want to hide their throbbing heritage from peering eyes. But then they realize that that’s all bullshit and mature into beautiful, sexually liberated butterflies, if butterflies had massive horsecocks dangling from their tiny insect bodies. You’re very welcome for that mental image, by the way.

Right, so the artwork in this game is amazing, but as you would expect, there’s a sheriff in town with a broom up his ass who goes “nope, no fun allowed around here, pardner” and proceeds to royally cock up all the cockin’ cocks. You’ve no doubt realized that I, of course, talk of Japanese censorship and its insistence that pixelating a penis the size of the Empire State Building as it plunges deep into the dickhole of another, similar sized phallus somehow changes one’s perception of this colossal, but frankly phenomenal, act of sweet sexual degeneracy. In short, STOP PIXELATING MY FUTADICKS GOSH DANG IT, IT RUINS EVERYTHING. By the way, I know it’s the law and that it probably won’t change anytime soon, but still. Right, so I was talking about how the artwork is good, and it is. I mean, I can’t really show you the best stuff because basically almost every CG in this game is filled with erect futadicks standing at full mast, but hey. You can look ’em up yourself and then you’ll see that I was right.

But fancy artwork alone is like an elf queen without a twelve inch cock: completely pointless. And this is where FutaElf shines: its ero scenes not only have good art, but they create an experience that, much like the instant porno magic wielded by the game’s wicked witch, will get you in the mood in seconds. This should come as no surprise, but ClockUp provides all the audio options you might need, so that’s already a huge bonus. And the text, man. Jesus. The sex talk in this game is a work of sublime genius and I had an absolute blast listening to all the outrageously off-the-wall shit the girls let slip in their horny stupor. And to me, this is the absolute turn-on, because nothing gets me going like an elf girl shouting something along the lines of LOCKED AND LOADED, SEMEN CANNON READY TO FIREEEE* as she mercilessly unloads all her accumulated cum inside another futa elf. It struck a perfect balance between playfully comedic and genuinely arousing, so I never ended up in an “I’m chuckling too hard to fap” kind of situation and was constantly looking forward to seeing what kind of crazy half-Japanese, half-English word soup the girls would come up with next. The VAs delivered their lines fantastically, too, and aside from one character (more on that later), I really enjoyed all their voices.

*may not be an actual quote but the game is full of similarly zany shit and it’s amazing

What’s more, ClockUp were so confident in their voiced lines (and rightly so, btw) that they even added an in-game function that allows you to bookmark lines for later listening. I’ve made good use of this function, because who doesn’t want to listen to gems like “TRINITY COCK” more than once? I’d love to know just how many times the word ちんぽ is in the script, though. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a three-digit number.

Time to introduce the leading ladies. First off we have Frena, the blonde hunter who gets captured and molded into the dickelf she was always meant to be. She has a lovely ponytail and a raging fetish for testicles. She’s also the first to succumb to pleasure. In other words, she’s a good girl. I like her. Cute voice, too. Next up is Cecil, the resident himekishi elf and we all know what happens to cute himekishi girls in our porn games. She’s all prim and proper at first, but don’t worry, that gets fixed soon enough. And finally we have Anastasia, the ruling queen and mother to Cecil, who, despite standing at the top of a country that rejects futanari elves, is a futanari elf herself. She’s powerful and strong-willed, which is probably why her corruption is the best in the game. She becomes even more depraved than the other two girls combined and it’s quite the sight to behold. One thing to note is that the corruption happens very quickly here and after some mild initial resistance, the girls promptly give in and the text gets filled up with heart emojis and delighted moans. Which is actually how I personally prefer things to go. I mean, I can certainly appreciate what games like Kuroinu Gaiden try to do, but they go a bit too slow for my tastes.

The final character I need to mention is Belze, the witch responsible for corrupting the other three futa girls, and the only heroine I didn’t really like. I just wasn’t a fan of her VA (I guess I just didn’t find it particularly erotic) and even found her character design to be kinda meh. There was something about her moans and high-pitched screams that just didn’t work for me at all.

As implied earlier, the actual ero scenes are amazing. Unless I suck at counting, there are a total of 19 of them, which is not much, but other than one or two I didn’t really care for, I thoroughly enjoyed each and every one of them. It’s basically what you’d expect: futa-on-futa action, 69, masturbation, fellatio, handjobs, tentacles, lots of urethral insertion, etc. This is a kinetic novel, by the way: it’s completely linear with no choices, so if you just keep reading, you’ll unlock everything. The delightfully outrageous dialogue with sprinkles of humor, the sheer level of deranged horniness displayed by the elves, the audio, the art, it’s all amazing. I’ll be totally honest with you here for a second: as far as I can remember, no other nukige, H-anime or H-manga has ever made me nut as hard as this game.

However, like most things in life, FutaElf is not perfect. Simply put, I feel like a lot more could’ve been squeezed out of it, and I’m not even gonna bother making a dick joke out of that even though it is kind of a low-hanging fruit. So anyway, while the 19 ero scenes are mostly all great, there was so much potential here to really bring this to the next level. The game, for example, could’ve really used a few good orgies and additional characters or situations. Like, it’s always just about the four heroines, except for that one scene that brings in two orcs and another that has goblins, but that’s it. There was even a short bit where a blue-skinned succubus shows up to give Frena an intense handjob and then said succubus is never heard from again. It would’ve been nice to see more stuff like that.

To conclude things, let’s do one of those pros/cons lists that big boy reviewers do:

Pros:

  • Awesome artwork
  • Horny elves that like big popsicles and cannot lie
  • Very satisfying ero scenes
  • Dialogue that’s both erotic and hilarious (erorious?)
  • NIPPLE FHAKKKUUU
  • Great audio and VA work for the most part

Cons:

  • IIRC no one says the line “my nipple-pussy is getting pregnant from my daughter’s cum” or “please impregnate my gaping dickhole” (missed opportunity tbqh)
  • Could’ve had a touch more variety and more scenes
  • No dark elf heroine
  • Censorship (normally bearable, but more intrusive here because you have massive dicks all over the place)
  • I personally didn’t like Belze all that much

Overall, this gets nine futadicks out of ten from me. Or at least it would, if I used a numerical rating system. You may find that a bit too high considering all the cons I listed, but the pros far outweigh the cons and the overall experience was still so stellar that giving the game a lower rating would be a disservice. So yeah, strongly recommended. In terms of ero and sheer usability, FutaElf is quite excellent, and if the whole futa aspect is not a dealbreaker for you, it’s a must-play for sure.

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3 thoughts on “[Review] Futanari Elf Kairaku Choukyou

  1. Well Gare, there’s always one way to get around the censoring… you just gotta convince someone to let you translate it! And MG’s already got a working relationship with Clock Up…

  2. I actually found the game surprisingly tame. Many scenes were similar, and we didn’t even get that many.

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