A brief sample of my writing

Just recently I got a question on Ask fm about my writing, and whether or not I had any excerpts to share. Well, I kinda do, and I figured I might as well post it here. However, what I’m going to post below is not part of any story I’m working on (actually I’m not even working on anything right now), it’s more like a generic, untitled sample to showcase how I’d write if I ever decided to write an original story. Basically there’s really no larger story behind these scenes so don’t worry if you have no idea what’s going on and who these characters are — I don’t know, either!

I originally posted this on Ask fm as an answer, but the character limit was sort of a pain in the ass. It probably has a better place here on the blog, where all my other stuff is. As always, feedback is appreciated.

Sample 1:

“At times, I let momentary fancy take over as my mind plunges into the blue waves of dreams. A sea of the unfulfilled, an azure desert of hopes and aspirations lost in the distant horizon of imagination. Drifting and drifting along in a non-existent stream as the mind explores what could and could never be. ‘Daydreaming’, as they call it; man conjuring up an ideal self, a future self, if you will – free from flaws, perfect and stalwart; a self he is content with, a role he wishes to fill one day on the chessboard of life. A Pawn longing to become King – the ant dreaming to become Man. And look upon me now – what do you see?”

His question reverberated in the candle-lit room of the castle they now occupied – a snug little corner in an otherwise majestic giant of a building, a true testament to the artistry of its designers. No answer could be heard from the girl, lips trembling and eyes wide open, paralyzed both by fear and wicked sorcery commanded by her melancholy host.

“I have done things I am not proud of. Things I regret. Sins that no tears can wash away and deeds no men can undo. And the thought haunts me still, a malicious force festering in my soul – a beast I am forced to wrestle every night, a cureless plague that torments, yet refuses to kill. They talk of redemption, of amending your ways, of becoming a new man. And yet the past changes not, a stark reminder of choices once made, woven deep into the tapestry of time and space.”

The air seemed to cool as the man’s solemn monologue was nearing its inevitable end. He calmly shifted his weight in the richly decorated chair, a pair of crimson eyes judging his unwilling guest.

 “Tell me, fair maiden, do you know what it feels like to look upon your visage in the mirror and see a stranger? To gaze upon that monster – that double – staring back and long to erase him from the very fabric of existence? Tell me, do you oft wake to greet the light of morn, thanking the heavens for the gift of life you were given? Simple creatures walk hand in hand with simple pleasure, aye – *my* birthright was darkness only; my lot, suffering incarnate.”
Sample 2:

Night would be soon upon them. The forest the two travelers had decided to pass through was vibrant with energy in the afternoon glow. As the rays of dusk kissed the leaves of trees all about them – crimson-gold brilliance showering crowns of green –, Sieg exhaled a sigh of resignation. He was tired, above all else: his joints weary from travel, his mind a whirlpool of doubt and crippling fear; yet his features betrayed none of the storm waging war in his breast. The man’s eyes fell upon his companion: a girl of gentle years, a maiden turned eight-and-ten the month past – several years younger than Sieg himself. She felt his piercing gaze upon her skin and – hesitant for a heartbeat –, turned to face her escort.
***
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13 thoughts on “A brief sample of my writing

  1. A couple loose thoughts for your first excerpt:

    Some cool stuff you got here, I feel like you could have drawn parallel between ‘daydreaming’ and your description of the sea of thoughts, a pun of sorts. For example if you had referred to the sun in the horizon of imagination, call it ephemeral -if you will- to give it dream like qualities, because it seems like that’s what you were going for with ‘daydreaming’ and all. Like always, you wanna sharpen your prose into a potent drug, injected through the reader’s sight; thrusting said reader into the world of your book, so to speak.

    “A role he wishes to fill one day on the chessboard of life. A Pawn longing to become King – the ant dreaming to become Man.” Stephen King says to break grammar rules only for a reason. In this case I feel it was to provoke the theme of ascendance with that sentence. Hence Why I felt ‘A Pawn longing to become King’ should have been part of the previous sentence, if that’s what you’re going for.

    -Good sense of atmosphere due to the words you use. A sardonic phantasy assailed me when reading your pieces; a tad reminiscent of your Dies Irae translations. I’m further led to believe this due to your grand vocabulary, which, by the way, catches my fancy yet still achieves a level of diction unsuited to be called pretentious.

    -Archaic vocabulary is cool, (this is just a personal preference of mine because I consider it theatrical, thus sounds soothing to the ear for a change)

    In terms of your second piece, I thought this:
    -Descriptions are always a touchy subject when it comes to writing. Many people who write; published authors included, discourage verbosity in writing. The splurging ornate imagination ejaculated onto the page seems to violate the unofficial rule of ‘Don’t be purple’. But honestly, I say, fuck that rule in the ass; be as descriptive as you want you gotta know what you’re doing. A lot of people say ‘plot’ matters most in a Novel, and even I believe that to be true, however, no matter how good the plot is… If the prose itself lacks any fire, well… there’s no use in sitting beside an extinguished hearth for warmth. Yet, like the dancing flames serve to beguile the audience, they are as well embraced in it’s warmth. That’s why you gotta make prose interesting. I feel that’s what too many writers lack nowadays. If anything, purple prose isn’t the true perpetrator of boredom, it’s bad writing, in the end, if you know what you are doing, the word purple shouldn’t matter, because it defies the very nature of it’s context. If you write with plenty description, masterfully, it won’t come off as a bother to read (I think). Despite that stupid blurb/rant riddled with -obviously not enough- commas, you definitely have a solid grasp of vivid description, in order to evoke a sense of the world but play around with it more; experiment. I like to draw out metaphors and even have them interact with the setting for example. Such gimmicks seem to liven the script to me (though it makes my sentences exponentially progress into paragraphs). Knowing when to draw the line is important too.

    I’d be interested in more blog posts like this on occasion since I like talking about writing, and stuff. Hope you garnered something from my post, if anything.

    • I appreciate the advice, thanks for taking the time to type all that! Also, “you wanna sharpen your prose into a potent drug, injected through the reader’s sight; thrusting said reader into the world of your book” — I just love the way you phrased that, haha. I suppose it’s true.

      This was actually just my first attempt at sort of “serious”-ish writing. My writing has indeed been partially inspired by my Dies stuff, so it is probably no coincidence that you felt like the way you did upon reading those lines. I do harbor a love for purple prose and ornate metaphors. Whether or not I could write an entire novel using it is another question, though, primarily because I wonder if the reader wouldn’t feel exhausted by it after a while.

      In any case, thanks again for your input, it’s very much appreciated.

  2. I like it. You have a very poetic style, the kind of ease with detail, metaphor and personification that breathes life into a narrative.
    My only advice is to keep in mind the meat and potatoes of your story so as not to get carried away by your own style. A trap many young writers fall into is taking such skills to an excess, lavishly displaying their “writeriness” while burying their meal in the garnish.

      • Ah, yes. The (in)famous purple prose. I am a fan of it, but not when in excess. But if the story is good, then I can stomach even that. Hell, Dies Irae could be said to rely on it’s grandiose writing, which makes such a… ”generic” plot fairly enjoyable. But I guess this proves something: A story doesn’t need to have the complexity of works like Steven Eriksons Malazan Book Of The Fallen to be a joy to read. Well, in my opinion that one is fairly complicated mainly due to the amount of snowflakes you see. But this is my opinion of course. The writing style of the author is usually what catches my eye. If his writing is as dry as a desert, then I am inclined to avoid it. I’d rather walk in land where I see flowers and various colourful things grow and wither away in a perpetual cycle of life.

        Aaaand I just realized I started to ramble. And that I am basically saying the same thing as Jack. But, eh, what the hell. This is not the first time it has happened. I doubt it will be the last either. Anyway! Good luck with your translation of Dies Irae. *cough* Group Pressure. *cough*

      • “Good luck with your translation of Dies Irae.”

        Very subtle. :p

        (I started KKK earlier than planned because of peer pressure but this won’t happen again, no sir!)

      • “Good luck with your translation of Dies Irae.”

        Please, if Garejei translates Dies, he’ll go insane, then Fuwanovel will have no voice of reason. However, he should totally review Sakura Spirit’s sequel when it comes out.

  3. For the first one I almost got lost in the flowery dialogue trying to develop a character from it, but I really enjoyed the second one, it really gave me a beautiful image. As a fellow writer who only does original work I can only give one vital piece of advice for doing it; don’t worry if it’s a master piece right off the bat, just tell your story (and you really do need one) and do the rest later.

  4. Great piece, nice style! I could feel myself drawn to the first sample!
    I’m just starting to write myself and I am green with envy. >_<

    I've gotta ask, though, what personality type are you?
    Because I wanna guess that you're an INFP lols.

    • Thanks!

      And you guessed correctly… or at least I took a personality test and it gave me INFP-T as the result, lol. But I do feel it fits me fairly well, so yeah.

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